It was very late. The party at the field hockey club had finished hours ago and we had managed to find a house party to keep the festivities going. The host swapped AC/DC for Rush, and in the brief gap between music, I heard a girl swearing, a door slam and laughing. I lifted my … More For Those About to Rock, We Salute You
“My mate fancies you.” It’s hard to know how to react to that phrase. Who is your mate? Does she not have the manners and self-respect to ask me out herself? Is she hideously disfigured? Is she going to point and laugh if I ask her out? Is this a gee up? I must have … More My Mate Fancies You
Nothing can prepare you for the birth of your first child. You can go to all the prenatal classes you like, read the books, listen to the experts’ horror stories about 50-hour labour. I’m sorry, it won’t do you any good. Don’t get me wrong, having children is one of the most rewarding things ever. … More The Most Effective Form of Birth Control
What’s with women and their pubis paranoia? Whether you believe in an all mighty creator or evolution, surely there’s some logic or science behind why us human beings grow hair on our private parts during puberty. Your local GP will tell you that pubic hair does have a purpose. It provides a cushion against friction … More Would It Kill You to Leave a Hint of Pubis?
Single men, look inside. Don’t shy away. You’ve got some serious demons to fight. You’re single by choice. Complain all you want about how hard it is to find a good woman today, but what’s stopping you? Where does a single guy look? Is it through friends? Is it at work? Is it while engaging … More Women Are Not the Enemy
Some friends had organised a setup for me. It’s not my usual thing but hey, I thought, fuck it. I made arrangements and met her at her place. She seemed friendly enough. Nice looking. A bit bohemian. We walked to a pizza place close by. It was a sunny day, so she had her shades … More The Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades
I challenge any red-blooded male not to be distracted by, let’s call her Kylie, because that was her name (her mother was an avid Neighbours fan). Sadly, she had lost her mother as a teenager. Her Will had instructed her only daughter to spend the inheritance on something fun, something she wanted, but others might … More Sugar Daddies, Diamonds and Girls
I have been lucky enough to have lived in several different countries and been exposed to a plethora of different cultures. I am by no means an expert, but I feel I can impart the following knowledge with the benefit of experience and my catalogue of friends, acquaintances and random idiots. Here it goes: Don’t … More Word to the Wise
It was New Year’s Eve. 2003, maybe 2004? I remember it being a Saturday, because I had an away match at a club, about 80 kilometres away. For some reason they had scheduled fixtures on the holiday and we had a lot of players missing. I agreed to play, as bailing on the match would … More She’s Gotta Have It
We arrange our first date. I’m single. I’m keen. You’re single. You like me. I call. I text. I email. I Facebook. Nothing. You are in your 30s and so focused on your career that you forget to apply human decency to social situations. How hard is it to reply? Something like: “Thanks for the … More A Man Will Love You, Not Your Career
I was introduced to her and thought it was a windup. There was no way she was a management accountant. She was in her mid 30s and had porcelain skin. I half expected her to take off her horn-rimmed glasses, sweep her long hair out of the tidy bun and straddle me. If I’m honest, … More The Married Woman
The money was rubbish, but I did very little work. I spent my mornings sleeping in the storeroom or browsing the internet. There was no dress code and I got cheap beer on a Friday. It was a cushy number. I did a bit of proofreading now and again and basically, got away with it. … More Christmas Shenanigans
