How She Softened the Blow of Rejection

I’d been dumped before. It’s never easy. When you start to build up your confidence, the last thing you want is more rejection. But it has to happen. Rejection is part of dating and it’s part of life.

Mel was a bit country, a bit conservative and a bit of a tomboy. She was humble and super cute for it. We met online and connected instantly. We decided our first date should be on a Sunday for lunch. If she was nervous, I couldn’t tell.

I was sitting outside our agreed meeting spot, a recently discovered café in Paddington, east of the city. I’d ordered a coffee and was enjoying the sunshine, when she appeared in a striped dress, swaying side-to-side as if she were in a field of poppies. When she greeted me I could hear her Kiwi accent straight way. It was heavy. I didn’t care how she spoke. We got to know each other for a good two hours before she had to go and see someone about a job. She’d only been in the country for a month.

I distinctly remember her commenting on how Australians were way more confident people than Kiwis, especially when it came to the jobs market. Somehow, we seemed to talk ourselves up wherever she went. She admired it and found confidence attractive. She was a qualified landscape architect trying her best to land a job in Sydney.

Later that week, Mel agreed to a second date. I was going to a wine bar in the Cross and asked her to join me. She said yes, even though my friends would be there and hers wouldn’t. When she turned up I could sense she wasn’t into me. She was polite, really sweet but didn’t stay long. I was disappointed and certain I’d never see or hear from her again.

Two days later, I received an email.

Hey Mr

So I’ve been thinking a lot about you and me. On paper, you are actually perfect for me. You’re sweet and handsome, and have lovely friends. Best of all, you actually seem down to earth, which is a rare find indeed. But something’s missing. I just don’t feel that spark that I should do. I keep wondering if that would come in time, but I don’t think so. I need to be honest and upfront about where I’m at. I wish I felt differently. I certainly don’t want to hurt your feelings, which is why I need to be absolutely honest sooner rather than later.

You are awesome, actually awesome. If it’s at all possible to still hang out as friends, then I’d really like that. I definitely owe you a few drinks. So if you’ll let me, I’d love to take you out some time.

Thanks for Saturday. I really enjoyed myself.

Have a good week.

Mel x

So many women just drop you instantly. No communication, no explanation. Not a care in the world, either.

When I received this email from Mel, I was disappointed but felt a sense of relief. The truth had been told. Maturity was present in a moment where it’s usually absent. And, I agreed.

A week later, Mel bought me the drinks she’d promised at an Oxford Street bar. Two weeks later, I met her for coffee in Surry Hills.

We didn’t keep in touch much after that, but we didn’t need to. We’d both given and received something missing in dates that don’t have chemistry. That being, respectful communication.

I hear so many people say, “She never returned my call,” or “She didn’t text.”

“She let me pay for dinner and I never heard from her again.”

“She could’ve at least sent me a message to say that she wasn’t interested.”

The sign of a mature mind is to be honest and considerate. Mel was, and I dare say always has been and will be.

Are you?

One thought on “How She Softened the Blow of Rejection

  1. I can definitely relate Alex. I have always been the ‘friend guy’ or the ‘cute and too nice guy’ and that has been frustrating to say the least. I kept thinking that I should change a little to be the person that she wanted to be and not to be myself because it wasn’t working. I had spoken to my friends about this and my sisters and they advised me to keep being yourself because their will be a great girl around the corner. It was hard because a lot of my mates had long term girlfriends, fiances or wives and I was part of the single group of guys on the prowl (so to speak) and finding it harder and harder. I wanted what my friends had because I knew I was a decent guy…. then I bit the bullet… I tried online dating!
    It was a bit embarrassing at the start, and there are some interesting characters out there to say the least. I started speaking to a few girls to get the vibe… and then one really took my breath away. Come to today, and we have been going out for almost 6 months and I could not be happier.

    Alex, I guess what I am saying is that although the spark may not have been there form her, you seem like a very genuine and honest guy, and persistence pays, as does the confidence in yourself to believe that who you are is good enough for a lucky girl out there, and I hope that sooner rather than later she will see this in you.

    Keep up the good fight.

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