I’d been dumped before. It’s never easy. When you start to build up your confidence, the last thing you want is more rejection. But it has to happen. Rejection is part of dating and it’s part of life.
Mel was a bit country, a bit conservative and a bit of a tomboy. She was humble and super cute for it. We met online and connected instantly. We decided our first date should be on a Sunday for lunch. If she was nervous, I couldn’t tell.
I was sitting outside our agreed meeting spot, a recently discovered café in Paddington, east of the city. I’d ordered a coffee and was enjoying the sunshine, when she appeared in a striped dress, swaying side-to-side as if she were in a field of poppies. When she greeted me I could hear her Kiwi accent straight way. It was heavy. I didn’t care how she spoke. We got to know each other for a good two hours before she had to go and see someone about a job. She’d only been in the country for a month.
I distinctly remember her commenting on how Australians were way more confident people than Kiwis, especially when it came to the jobs market. Somehow, we seemed to talk ourselves up wherever she went. She admired it and found confidence attractive. She was a qualified landscape architect trying her best to land a job in Sydney.
Later that week, Mel agreed to a second date. I was going to a wine bar in the Cross and asked her to join me. She said yes, even though my friends would be there and hers wouldn’t. When she turned up I could sense she wasn’t into me. She was polite, really sweet but didn’t stay long. I was disappointed and certain I’d never see or hear from her again.
Two days later, I received an email.
So I’ve been thinking a lot about you and me. On paper, you are actually perfect for me. You’re sweet and handsome, and have lovely friends. Best of all, you actually seem down to earth, which is a rare find indeed. But something’s missing. I just don’t feel that spark that I should do. I keep wondering if that would come in time, but I don’t think so. I need to be honest and upfront about where I’m at. I wish I felt differently. I certainly don’t want to hurt your feelings, which is why I need to be absolutely honest sooner rather than later.
You are awesome, actually awesome. If it’s at all possible to still hang out as friends, then I’d really like that. I definitely owe you a few drinks. So if you’ll let me, I’d love to take you out some time.
Thanks for Saturday. I really enjoyed myself.
Have a good week.
So many women just drop you instantly. No communication, no explanation. Not a care in the world, either.
When I received this email from Mel, I was disappointed but felt a sense of relief. The truth had been told. Maturity was present in a moment where it’s usually absent. And, I agreed.
A week later, Mel bought me the drinks she’d promised at an Oxford Street bar. Two weeks later, I met her for coffee in Surry Hills.
We didn’t keep in touch much after that, but we didn’t need to. We’d both given and received something missing in dates that don’t have chemistry. That being, respectful communication.
I hear so many people say, “She never returned my call,” or “She didn’t text.”
“She let me pay for dinner and I never heard from her again.”
“She could’ve at least sent me a message to say that she wasn’t interested.”
The sign of a mature mind is to be honest and considerate. Mel was, and I dare say always has been and will be.