Blow jobs are rarely performed well. We put up with biting, pulling, bending and stretching. Our instincts tell us that we should, for a few seconds at least, dread whether it’s going to be a painful experience – especially with a new partner. Grateful for the sucking, licking and deep-throating, we are not always satisfied.
Ejaculation is no measure of success, which is contrary to the physical evidence we leave our partners.
In my experience, a good blow job is an art not a science. Unlike science, art is about self-expression, creativity and desire.
It starts with her wanting to do it, not doing it because she thinks it will make you love her more. I’m convinced that if oral sex is what you want and it grosses her out, move on.
A penis is incredibly durable but not immune to bad service. Let’s face it, if ejaculation was all we needed, we could take care of that ourselves. Blow jobs are about wanting to please.
Every few months the most popular women’s magazines usually provide their readers with sex tips. The oral sex tips are always a source of mild mirth, and obviously written by women. Surprise him with a blow job. Lick the meatus. Massage the perineum. Use your hands. Include his balls. Blow gently. Don’t swallow unless you’re comfortable with it.
Shaft. Corona. Glans. Prepuce. Who knows what the hell they are, let alone what they do?
The truth is, as much as the physical mechanics are important, we want to know that she’s enjoying it too. The likelihood of it being a good blow job often depends on eye contact, depth, heavy breathing, pace, sound and genuine pleasure. It’s in the moment.
A lot of us don’t like a blow job to be the main event. We like it as foreplay, a warmup, a revving of the engine, so to speak.
It could be in the car, the cinema, on the couch, in the shower, the stairwell, the office, the park. Wherever. The more settings – the more variety – the better.
In Charles Bukowski’s, The People Look Like Flowers at Last (HarperCollins), “Kissing Me Away” tells a tale of the subtleties of the blow job. What us men think we’re receiving and what we’re actually being given can be two very different experiences.
She asked me one time, ‘why am I staying with an old guy like you anyhow?’
‘So you can give me blow jobs?’ I replied.
‘I hate that term!’ she said.
‘Sucking me off,’ I suggested.
‘I hate that term too!’ she said.
‘What would you prefer?’ I asked.
I like to think that I’m ‘kissing you away,’ she said.
I would love to hear from women on this subject; to hear what they enjoy about giving head.
Equally, I would be interested to know what other men feel, and whether blow jobs are an essential or perhaps, inessential part of sex.
Are blow jobs only associated with lust in relationships these days? Does the frequency fade over time?
For me, it’s all about her. If she loves doing it, I’m going to love receiving it.