You’re apprehensive as all hell, right? Don’t worry. It’s normal.
Be prepared, though, for some seriously interesting shit to happen to you. I’m talking about everything from women pissing in the park to asking you to fuck them in the arse on the first date. No word of a lie, it’s happened to me.
Those being extremes, the norm is pretty damn crazy too.
You’ll date princesses, obsessive compulsives, psychopaths, fat chicks (not necessarily by choice), churchies, sex addicts, spirituals, spinsters with a feral feline, and everything in between.
In Australia, dating sites like RSVP, eHarmony, Oasis Active and the like have become so popular that meeting someone in a so-called “conventional” way is less likely than ever before. There’s no such thing as conventional anymore.
Why would you bother? A potential mate is only a few clicks of a mouse away.
Online dating sites will give you plenty of demographic information: age, location, body type (“average” is usually a fallacy), height, eye colour, hair colour, nationality, religion, level of education and even her goddam star sign.
Here’s the biggest tip for anyone looking for love online; let’s say at least a relationship.
It can’t be that simple, yeah? Well, it is.
Most men like to be objective.
How old are you? What do you do? Where do you live? Do you like travelling? Do you fuck on a first date? Blah, blah. Yes or no?
Men who spend the time to actually converse, or what I call “putting in the work” are more likely to have an enjoyable first date, which may lead to a relationship, than those who don’t.
You’ll often find women don’t respond favourably to men without a decent profile description. Those who don’t write well, upload poor quality photos and limit their interests are doing themselves a disservice.
Unfortunately, today, it’s all about the checklist. Remember this term: checklist mentality.
Does he have X, Y or Z?
Recently, some of my closest friends have been depressed about their online dating success. I’m talking about these guys seeking the help of a psychologist or counsellor to find out what’s wrong with them. They’re over settling for blow jobs, one night stands and the scent of desperation in Sydney’s bars. Hence, online dating.
I ask them all the same question: how may emails (questions) did you send her before you met up?
One or two is the usual response, which is a red flag.
Put in the work.
Let’s take RSVP, for example.
The usual process is a man or woman will send their interest via what’s called a “Kiss” and if the person wants to hear from you, someone has to pay to send an email.
Fellas, don’t be fooled, nine times out of 10, this is going to be you.
So, you pay for a book of what they call stamps and you get chatting with someone who somewhat likes what they’ve read or seen. What do you say?
“Hi, I’m Alex. My mobile number is … if you want to text me, we can meet up.”
The key to success lies in your research; your ability to show that you actually care about what the other person has going on in their life. And, you have to mean it. This isn’t the workplace, no faking it to make it.
Find some common ground to start. Keep it simple (no templates), let her respond.
When she does, fucking read what she’s written and think about it. Don’t rush.
Again, no longwinded answers and dribble. Keep it simple, it’s only email number two.
If she returns, then you know she’s at least keen enough to want to keep the conversation going. That’s a good sign.
Once you’ve established some common ground, go for it, because you have to at some stage.
I’ve learnt the hard way that suggesting dinner and cocktails is probably the least effective, and most expensive way of dating. Suggest a coffee on a Sunday; during the day you’ll get to see the real person compared to the lady of the night with a somewhat distorted persona.
From there, only you can make it happen.
Remember, feelings are different to facts, and thoughts are different to actions. A date is not a set of traffic lights: green for go, red for stop and amber for “I’m confused” here.
Be patient. Be yourself. Be confident.
Your chances of getting a second date will increase. Then, the real revelations begin.
To survive the initial stages of online dating, you must be willing to put in your best effort, your mojo to be seriously tested, and your wallet to take a hammering.
Accept it and go for it.
Experience is the only teacher in the online world.