Women Are Not the Enemy

Single men, look inside. Don’t shy away. You’ve got some serious demons to fight.

You’re single by choice.

Complain all you want about how hard it is to find a good woman today, but what’s stopping you?

Where does a single guy look?

Is it through friends? Is it at work? Is it while engaging in tertiary study? Is it in a bar? Is it in a nightclub? Is it online? And, does the means affect the quality?

Is it meant to be this hard?

Regardless of “where” men are meeting women, more and more are seeking perfection: to “fit in” to the idea of love. Let’s get one thing straight. Love is an emotion. It has many levels and some may never be reached.

Love is not obtainable, like a car, a promotion or a victory for your football team. It is already inside you. Like happiness and sadness, it’s an emotion and it’s there. Women know this.

What are you going to change to make love more of a priority, not just with relationships, but with life in general?

When you replace the fundamental importance of human connection with material pursuits, true love is replaced with lust.

“I’m not in love with him, I’m in lust.”

This is an ever increasing hedonistic state that women have learnt to master because men have been treating them as objects for far too long. Essentially, us men have created our own unhappiness by longing for what’s insanely unrealistic.

Take online dating, or as a friend of mine calls it: The Vagina Catalogue.

You can search for a date or relationship with demographic parameters in mind. Nowadays, you can choose a 5’10” blonde with green eyes who lives within 25 kms of you. You can also narrow down your selection by stipulating ethnicity (Northern European), and education. You wouldn’t want her to be smarter than you, so you can cut out postgraduate degree.

You get 30 returned matches. Go for it.

Whatever the criteria, you’re bound to find it.

You start dating, sometimes two or three women a day. I’ve done it. It becomes addictive. The excitement of what could be; the chase is on. Then, the reason why you turned to online dating is forgotten by the variety of women available to you.

Wasn’t the whole idea to find love?

Little things start to annoy you after a while and again, you start to objectify. It’s no more than a game after 50 dates. She doesn’t offer to pay, no matter how awesome she is, if that’s your thing, she’s out. She listed herself as athletic on her profile and actually, she’s more like average. Next. She doesn’t drive in a city notorious for shitty public transport. Next. She wants to take things slow because of her religious beliefs. Really, today? Next.

The excuses go on.

You’ll find fault in everything until you accept imperfection, not as your kryptonite, but your salvation.

At some point, playing the field has to end in some sort of relationship with another human being. Very few people wish to live alone. Misanthropes and outcasts perhaps, but generally, we all crave affection, and want to love and be loved.

Ease up on the checklist approach to women. It’s not a job interview.

Make your career less of a priority. Seriously, if you get more gratification out of work than genuine relationships with people, you need psychotherapy. If you don’t think so, you’re in denial.

Do something creative, like take some photos (not of sport) that get your mind off of objectives and onto perspectives. Go to the theatre or an art gallery, stare at something for a while. Read a book that’s not an autobiography. Change your social scene and stop hanging around with so-called friends who encourage aggressive objectification of the fairer sex.

Yes, she’s fuckin’ hot. Yes, she’s got a great arse. Yes, you’ve got a raging boner because all you want to do is fuck her right then and there, every which way. Play that over in your head all night and the likelihood of it happening is close to naught.

Next time you’re on a date, look at her without the possibility of disappointment. See the date as an opportunity for some fun, right there, in the moment.

Maybe, she’ll be the one. If she’s not, don’t blame her. Don’t blame anyone.

Just keep going.

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