The Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades

Some friends had organised a setup for me. It’s not my usual thing but hey, I thought, fuck it.

I made arrangements and met her at her place. She seemed friendly enough. Nice looking. A bit bohemian.

We walked to a pizza place close by. It was a sunny day, so she had her shades on when we left the house. We ordered, sat and ate. The odd thing was, she never took off her shades. I’m talking big brown Jackie Onassis motherfuckers. The kind that scream: I don’t want to be photographed by paparazzi.

Like most men, I’m a visual kinda guy and I wanted to see those eyes.

What’s a guy to do on a first date? Should I have asked her to take them off? Well, I didn’t.

It was a seriously weird situation. How can you have a conversation with someone you’re trying to get to know without looking into their eyes? How could I tell her mood, see her reactions to my gestures, her feelings and such.

The old saying goes: your eyes are the windows to your soul.

After lunch we took a walk on Bondi Beach. Then, I walked her home. All the while never taking off those damned stupid shades. Most disconcerting. I have no idea what she really thought since I couldn’t gauge any reaction through her ridiculously big brown lenses.

Of course, when I kissed her goodbye, she didn’t take them off. That was it. No second date. What was she hiding?

Two weeks later, I went on another date. This time, I had met her online.

W e spoke on the phone quite a bit and got on great guns, except she lived in Wollongong. She said she was planning to move to Sydney soon. Should I make the trip? Why not? It was only an hour’s drive down the Coast. We had got on so well on the phone and it might be a fun day out.

I had arranged to meet her at a coffee shop. It was packed. I had a rough of idea of what she looked like from her online profile.

Then, what the fuck?

She was wearing huge Jackie O shades.

After going through this bullshit before, I was totally peeved. So straight up, I asked her to take off her shades. She did so for all of five minutes, then put them back on claiming to have had a rough night. She said she looked like crap but hey, let me be the judge of that.

Turns out she was right.

We ended up having a good chat and lunch went okay. Then, she comes out with some heavy shit about how she was living at home (that’s why she was back in Wollongong), she had no job and was thinking of studying.

Of course, I paid for lunch. Another bloody case of de ja vu.

What’s with these chicks? Again!

I had no idea what she was thinking, what colour eyes she had, she was a total blank to me. What a total waste of a day. She came out with so many issues by the end of the date, it was scary.

No second date, thanks.

What are these women hiding, and why the shades?

If I wore shades to both dates, would they not have thought me a wanker, a weirdo or up myself?

So, why did they do it, to add to the mystery? Was there something to hide? Is it cool?

Here I was being totally honest on a first date, up for scrutiny by these women and all I got was the “hide behind the shades” tactic.

Ridiculous.

If their future’s so bright, I guess they gotta wear shades.


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