We arrange our first date.
I’m single. I’m keen. You’re single. You like me.
I call. I text. I email. I Facebook. Nothing.
You are in your 30s and so focused on your career that you forget to apply human decency to social situations.
How hard is it to reply?
Something like: “Thanks for the text, Alex. I’m just not sure it will work out between us. I’d like to leave it there for now. It was great to meet you.”
No. Instead, it’s silence.
You treat dates with men like a business transaction. You use sites like RSVP to conveniently “fit” your ideal man into your schedule, diarising dates like appointments with your clients. You’ve subscribed to the “checklist” mentality.
Date after date, they disappoint.
He said he was 5’10” but he was only 5’9″.
Then you find one, but he doesn’t call. He does what you’ve been doing to others.
Some may call it karma. I call it justice.
A relationship isn’t fitting a man into your busy lifestyle. It’s making sacrifices, and it’s about compromise. It’s acknowledging that you need to change something in your life to let in what you feel you’re missing deep inside.
Stop kidding yourself.
Whenever I have been on dates with career-types, I count how many times they deflect personal questions back to their work. It’s a red flag.
Like all of their self-esteem is tied up in their shitty title on their business card. Look behind the facade and there’s very little to love.
You know you have really poor social skills when you talk about work in a bar, at a restaurant or anywhere where you should be having fun. After a conversation about the weather, work is the next lowest form of interpersonal communication.
So you broke through the glass ceiling at work, you’re independent, you go to the gym six-days-a-week. You don’t need anyone.
What the fuck are you doing on an online dating site then?
After sorting through the, “I like long walks on the beach” types or the “Looking for a man who doesn’t take life too seriously” psychos, the last thing a man wants is another time waster.
When a man states he is, “Looking for a relationship” on RSVP, he generally means it.
What he most certainly doesn’t mean is that he’s looking for a friend.
I have lost count of how many times I have taken a career-type out, paid for dinner and cocktails, acted like a complete gentleman only to never hear from her again.
Maybe it’s generational: instant gratification and the like.
Not all men on online dating sites are looking for sex. Many are looking for love. For the love of a woman, not their career.
Attraction, a genuine interest and good use of language will always engage a man. That is, look good, show you care and be good in conversation.
Most importantly, what are you going to change to let love in?
Here’s a tip: learn how to share.